Student
Mr. Maite
Honors English Nine
March 13, 2001
Why did she
ruin the beautiful marigolds?[ADM1]
I'll be honest; I picked this short
story first because of the bright, blooming title, "Marigolds."
But when I read the story, I felt torn, like
the marigolds were when destroyed by Lizabeth[ADM2].
Throughout this story I felt overwhelmed with reality;[ADM3] I was
showered with confusion, contradictions, and it seems as though I read this
story of harsh truth in a dream. Lizabeth's
character is so close to myself, yet so far away, that I detest her, especially
for her furious outrage taken out on a sliver of hope surrounded by
despondency, yet I feel compassionate towards her.[ADM4]
I leaped
furiously into the mounds of marigolds and pulled madly, trampling and pulling
and destroying the perfect yellow blooms.[ADM5]
When she madly demolished the beautiful
marigolds, I wanted to scream;[ADM6] she had
ruined the only things ravishing[ADM7] and
worthwhile, taking her anger and confusion out on something that seemed so
perfect. I felt like the marigolds because far too often I have been in a
similar situation. For example, I play the saxophone well, making it into
Wind Ensemble (the highest[ADM8] band) as a
freshman. Many call me "perfect,"[ADM9] and
because I can play better than they can, they hate me. They treat me
rudely,[ADM10] and they
don't even know me except for my ability to play an instrument. I feel
dejected and trampled over socially
because [ADM11]I happen to
be able to be gifted in an area. Some also detest me because of my
grades, making assumptions before
knowing me [ADM12]that
because I get decent grades, I am perfect and too good for everyone.
Instead of seeing past me[ADM13], they make
fun of me and put me down for achieving my highest goals. So when
Lizabeth tore at the flowers, smoldering[ADM14] them and
killing them because they were full of hope and bloom, which she had none of[ADM15], I felt
angry with her for handling her situation in this way. She killed
innocent life that thrived and stood out, because it possessed things that she
wanted and that she was being deprived of[ADM16].
Because of this terrible reaction to this scene, I think that it is safe to assume [ADM17]I am not
sympathetic towards anyone who hurts others, physically or mentally, for being
happier or full of hope or more talented than them because they feel hopeless,
fearful, or even feel confused and overwhelmed. I think that it is also safe to say that I am talking from the flowers'
point of view and that all of my sympathy went to the marigolds because I can
relate best to them in this situation[ADM18].
Secondly, from that same quote, there are
words that struck me and made me feel even more anger towards Lizabeth.
The words furiously, madly,
trampling, and destroying [ADM19]created a
mental image in my mind of a self-centered girl who went mad when she did not
get her way. Furiously, with a denotative meaning of with bad
temper or serious displeasure, to me is going into a rage, destroying anything
in the way. Why? Destruction is not the answer to misery and
confusion. This is what I have
been taught since childhood, to be kind to every living thing. In
addition, my parents have nurtured me with love and kindness. I am a
person who respects things, and I try not to be self-centered. Also, I am
a female. In my mind, society expects more of a female in togetherness,
support, and in having a caring and loving personality.[ADM20]
Truthfully, if this character had been a guy, I would have accepted his aggressive
actions and even expected it. The
expectations of women are higher[ADM21].
When Lizabeth did not act like she was suppose[ADM22] to in my
mind, like her action to trample and destroy because of her overflowing,
"smoldering" emotions, I felt indignant, bestowing[ADM23] no
sympathy for her. Furthermore, she decided to tear at the perfect
flowers, not some old puddle of water or a pillow, but a pure, true form of hope
and togetherness. Perfect for me, in this sentence means, something that
Lizabeth does not possess, and she cannot have. She wants to hold hope
like the flowers do, but they are too good for her, so she destroys them.
I hate that! This is what reality in its purest form is, never being good
enough, and destroying what you can't have. It scares me, because I am
not used to dealing with hatred outside of school. When I am at home or
church, reality seems to lift, though never leaving completely. So the
words that Lizabeth uses, furiously,
madly, trampling, destroying, and perfect [ADM24]frightened
me and made me realize how scared I am of the harsh reality of the world.
Contrary to the previous two paragraphs,
I felt affectionate towards Lizabeth[ADM25]. I
felt like a companion who was going through the same thing as she was, though
managing not to burst.
For all the smoldering emotions of that summer swelled in me and burst-the great need for my mother who was never there, the hopelessness of our poverty and degradation, the bewilderment of being neither child nor woman and both at once, the fear unleashed by my father's tears.
Although
all her reasons and troubles may not be my own, I could definitely relate by
the struggle of being a teenager. The in-between period where I cannot
pass for an adult or a child, the pull of friends, the time management, and the
emotions involved with puberty can definitely
be overbearing[ADM26]! I
know, though, that I feel more pity for her than for myself. I have been
blessed – I do not have to live with poverty, I have the best parents anyone could ask for, I go to a wonderful
church, I have many friends who love and support me, and I have my Lord to
guide me and to take the weight of the world off of my shoulders if I ask Him
to[ADM27].
Because of these things, I have not burst to the point of needing to ruin
something. She did not know about
my God[ADM28], who went
through worse torture and pain to save everyone, and who loves
unconditionally. Because of my religion, I have been able to withstand
the power of confusion and hurt. This is why I feel more pity than
relation towards Lizabeth.
Adding to the above
paragraph[ADM29], smoldering,
swelled, and burst were words that fed me a desire to have
compassion for this helpless character. The word burst for me is
something uncontrollable, making me believe that her reaction to the burst[ADM30] of
emotions was something out of her hands, and I felt sorry for her. Also, hopelessness,
need, and bewilderment helped Lizabeth's case for sympathy. I
have never ever had to deal with my mother not being there for me, and I could
not imagine the bitterness of hopeless poverty. When I was younger, I
remember needing everything. When I saw a pair of shoes I wanted, I
needed them. I would usually end up getting my way. Though it is painful
to say this, I think that as a child I was a little spoiled. I overused the word need and now I
have no idea what it is like to need something and not be able to get it[ADM31]. I
am very unaware of the true meaning of need, and though it may be counted as a
blessing, I feel that it is a common fault of America. People usually
either know the real meaning of need, or have no realization of it.
However, I can relate to the bewilderment of being in the middle of two primary
age groups, because I am going through it right now! Lizabeth deserves my
compassion, for she is going through triple what I feel. I also feel
helpless and unable to reach Lizabeth because I am speechless when it comes to
abandonment and poverty. The thought of either of these two baffles me in
a negative way. How much harder
it must be to live in poverty and abandonment than to think about these things[ADM32]. At
this I know I am privileged, and therefore very naïve when it comes to dealing
with hardships because I have been sheltered from many of them all of my life.
All
in all[ADM33], I felt
overwhelmed with reality while reading this short story because I have been
sheltered as much as possible from the real world. Lizabeth's character
in "Marigolds" touched me, and I related to her in some ways, felt
sympathetic to her in other ways, and yet I detested her and hated her in other
ways. I could relate to her because she was my age, and, like she said, "one does not have to be ignorant and
poor to find that one's life is barren as the dusty yards of one's town."[ADM34] I
felt compassionate towards her because she lived in poverty and she did not
have much family support, and because of my wonderful family and a sufficient
amount of money to live comfortably I cannot relate to her. Finally, I
felt angry with Lizabeth for destroying the beautiful marigolds. Not only
is it not the thing that I've been taught to do when in a terrible situation,
but because she is a female, and I am a female, I expected much more from her
than I would have from a boy in the same situation. I am someone who was
always nurtured and loved and cared for. As a child I was spoiled,
mistreating the word need as a word that meant anything that appealed to
me. These things influenced my reading of "Marigolds," and I
realized what kind of person I am based on words and phrases that I did or did
not like[ADM35].
[ADM1]Nice attempt at a more original title. Is the title MLA style?
[ADM2]Excellent use of simile!
[ADM3]Proper use of semi-colon – good!
[ADM4]Strong thesis with excellent diction. But, it is a run-on and should be rephrased. Notice the repetition of the word, “yet.” You need two different connective words or phrases.
[ADM5]While this format for the quote isn’t exactly MLA, it works very well stylistically.
[ADM6]Another properly used semi-colon. Now, we’ll need to keep an eye out to make sure you aren’t overusing the semi-colon.
[ADM7]Impressive vocabulary. However, this word has a connotation of something aggressive or enveloping. Are the marigolds either of those things? Look for a word that connotes something more positive, hopeful, and/or friendly – that’s what the marigolds were to Miss Lottie.
[ADM8]Need a better word.
[ADM9]Comma inside of quotation mark. Excellent!
[ADM10]No comma here. Compound sentences with the same subjects need only the conjunction.
[ADM11]No comma before “because” – outstanding.
[ADM12]You are being too wordy. The entire phrase, “making assumptions before knowing me,” can be replaced with ONE word: “presuming.”
[ADM13]I don’t think you want them to look “past you.” Probably what you want is for them to see past your abilities.
[ADM14]I think you meant “smothering” here.
[ADM15]…of which she had none or which she lacked or which she so deeply desired
[ADM16]Another phrase/sentence ended in a preposition. Rephrase.
[ADM17]Don’t be quite so coy. Be more direct.
[ADM18]Yes, we can see that though I wonder if you really empathize with Miss Lottie, and the marigolds are just symbolic of that. Nevertheless, good first paragraph that establishes the tone for the entire paper. And, you do a nice job using the story as a symbolic mirror for how you feel.
[ADM19]Exactly! Discuss the impact of the language. That’s what Lacan would like!
[ADM20]Yes! Relate it back to your psychological origins – your parents, your beliefs. Nicely done.
[ADM21]Does this seem loaded or overgeneralized to you? Could strike someone as sexist.
[ADM22]supposed
[ADM23]Great word choice, slightly misused. You bestow something “on” or “upon” her, not “for” her. Really, bestowing isn’t used with sympathy.
[ADM24]Really, though, you only dealt with two of these words. Either explore them all or limit your focus to the two you do discuss.
[ADM25]Needs more connection. Maybe an “also” here would work better.
[ADM26]No doubt! I love your honesty and voice here, and thank you for spelling “definitely” correctly.
[ADM27]Excellent parallel structure.
[ADM28]How do you know that?
[ADM29]A very mechanical – stylistically weak – transition.
[ADM30]Definitely need a different word for this. As it is written, this is a lot like defining a word with the word in the definition.
[ADM31]I’ll put this comment here, but it really refers to the entire paragraph: wonderful honesty and insight. You even explore why you are this way in pretty good detail. Though you don’t state it directly, you also are examining how you define yourself in relation to the story, which is exactly what Lacanian criticism is all about.
[ADM32]Absolutely wonderful sentence style. As the reader looks through this paper, he sees wonderful sentence variety. This just happens to be the best one.
[ADM33]Adequate, if trite, concluding transition.
[ADM34]Superb quote choice!
[ADM35]Conclusion may try to do too much. It’s like you are trying to summarize the entire paper. Instead, discuss more of what you will do with what you’ve learned about yourself.